The Tough Get Tougher..

Honestly, on days like today, I struggle to come write my update. It should be easy, since I don't have much of anything to say. We slept in from staying up late to watch Nancy Drew.. which was a very cute kids movie.

We had to run into the city today to FedEx a couple things to our lawyer, as well as a friend. We also had to fax some papers to Mary at Subaru, (which cost me almost eight dollars). Dave's life insurance is expiring apparently, and we have to renew or let it go. Unfortunately, she forgot to mention until today that we'd have to pay the premium as soon as possible if we renew, so now I'm not sure what to do. We have to get it finished by the end of the month, whichever we decide. Sadly, it's easier to run out of time, than it is to decide what to do.

We went to the gym this afternoon. It was raining and I was achy, but we went anyway. Tina was there, and raving about the movie they just watched. PS I Love You. She brought it with her and sent it home with us and said we HAD to watch it as soon as possible, because it was so good. We haven't had the chance yet, but hopefully tonight or tomorrow we'll be able to fit it in.

Dave's been hitting the speech homework pretty hard the rest of the night. We've been kind of neutral with each other since last night, because he keeps losing his temper with me. He kicked me, twice.. which I didn't appreciate very much, and said it was because I was judging him every time he choked on his food. Obviously, this wasn't my intent, and I tried explaining to him that I only watch him while he coughs in case I need to help him if he stops breathing.. but he wasn't convinced. It's easier anymore to give up and let him believe what he wants to believe.. than it is to argue with him.

I don't really like writing about this stuff as it happens. Sometimes I do. Sometimes, I don't. It's a catch 22, I guess. Naturally, nobody thinks my life is anywhere near perfect, but I know that people think I should think it is. Dave lived. Dave is still Dave. Dave is getting better. It's all good, right? But sometimes, it's harder than ever.. and I just want to pretend that it's not.. and hide away from the world. If it was just a couple more bruises on my legs to add to the list I think I'd be all right with that, but when he says that I don't do anything for him, and that he's justified in kicking me it just kills me. As tough as I think I've gotten.. that's still enough to make me cry like a baby, and I'm so tired of crying. I don't know how to get tougher.. but I know I've got to. This will never be over.

I'm off for a nice long, hot shower to get away, and to try and clear my head a little bit. Hopefully, I can get us into bed early since we have therapy tomorrow morning. Dave says he wants to walk to the hospital, and that he doesn't want me to go with him anymore, but I've got news for him.. he's stuck with me.

Thank You for joining us again this evening, and until next time.. Much Love, Many Hugs and Good Night to You All.