Indiana Dave and the ICEE of Doom..

The day got off to a slow start today. Dave and I were quite sluggish, and getting dressed and dragging ourselves off to the gym this afternoon was actually a struggle. The gym was dark and deserted again today, but I kind of like it that way personally. Once we got back home we got showered and changed and had a light lunch of cheese and crackers.

The rest of our evening was planned around a special occasion trip out to the movies. Dave and I knew we weren't going to do what we really wanted to do for his birthday this year. We knew there weren't going to be any neat or elaborate gifts, but I didn't want the week to go by unmarked. Dave's birthday is coming up in just four days, and when I asked him what he wanted to do, his answer surprised me. We still have movie money left over from Christmas that I've been skillfully hoarding. Indiana Jones and the Crystal Skull opened this week, and Dave wanted to go see it, so I agreed to take him. We brought snacks from home to sneak into the movie, (Shhh, don't tell), but we splurged on an ICEE because I absolutely love them. Half cherry and half blue raspberry, of course. The highlight of the evening was the guy sitting two seats down from us. He was dressed in an identical carbon copy Indiana Jones outfit, from the brown leather jacket, crisp white shirt, and brown trademark hat. He looked awesome!

The movie was so good. It quite literally combined most of our favorite interests into one film, from our favorite historical references to alien mysteries. Shia Lebeouf is one of my favorite up and coming actors, and of course.. there's Harrison Ford to consider. The movie ended exactly as I predicted.. with a tease. I already can't wait for the next one to come, and I'm certain there will be a next one. It was a special moment for Dave and I. It's been quite a long while since we've been to the movies.. our old staple weekend outing. I've missed it SO much. For a brief moment it almost felt like the old days again. I was brought back to reality when Dave tripped over his own feet coming back with an ICEE refill. His hands were full, and his balance just doesn't recover itself like it should. He was sideways by the time I grabbed on to his jeans. I broke two fingernails and jammed at least half of my fingers dragging him vertical again. He came within inches of toppling over the railing on his face. The lady sitting next to us laughed and asked if I pushed him on purpose. I tried to smile politely.. but it's just one of the many brushes with disaster I really wish we could leave far behind us. Other than swollen, throbbing fingers for me.. the evening went really well. Though I have to admit.. I'm starting to be very grateful for my alert awareness, and cat-like reflexes, lol.

Dave wants to go back to town on his actual birthday for a slice of pie at The Pie Company, but I don't know yet if we'll be able to afford it. For the last five years or so I've gotten him a Dairy Queen ice cream cake, but I don't even know if we'll be able to do that this year. I'm trying to stay focused and be grateful, and remember that this could be the first uncelebrated birthday for Dave and I.. had things gone horribly different, so even a hug here at home has to be better than the alternative. Not as fun as lavish gifts and wild entertainment, of course.. but better than nothing at all. Dave will be thirty-two on Wednesday, and we definitely have a lot to celebrate this year.

We wandered around the mall for an hour or so after the movie before heading home. Dave isn't a very good window shopper though, because he wants everything, and he wants it right now, lol. I used to be able to tell him things like.. we'll get it next payday.. or, we'll save up this month and get it next month. I almost tried the same standby routine today, out of habit, but the realization hit me like a ton of bricks that we just can't plan for anything anymore. We don't know if he'll ever be able to go back to work. We don't know if there will be paychecks in his future. We don't know what kind of job I'll be able to get someday, if it'll be enough, if we'll be out on our own again, and how well, or not well we'll be able to afford the expenses of daily living. I don't know where we'll end up, what'll happen next, or if we'll ever be able to buy him the small luxuries he misses from a life long passed. It started coming down on me pretty hard and heavy today, and I got lost inside this little bubble of despair for a good solid hour before I broke my way back out again. I know myself well enough to know that if I let myself hide in that bubble I'll never find my way out again. I've been pretty okay at pushing back thoughts of panic over an uncertain future up til now, and I have to continue to force myself to keep doing it, for my own sanity. I may not know what tomorrow brings for Dave and I.. but I know that I can't allow myself to worry about it today.

I'm immensely sleepy all of a sudden, so I think I'm going to skip my shower tonight and go straight to bed. Thank You all for joining us this evening, and until next time.. Much Love, Many Hugs and Good Night to You All.